The last couple of weeks have been busy. Each day is filled with activity – the everyday schooling, learning, answering, playing, refereeing, cooking, feeding, cleaning, folding, sweeping busy. All too often, and increasingly, I feel myself being stretched out too far, in too many different directions at the same time. Yet, I’ve been rewarded with a feeling of productivity and accomplishment.
On my list of “things to do” is to call some names I’ve been given for babysitters. I figure if I get a helper once, maybe twice a week, enabling me to get on top of a few things – whether chores at home or running errands – I’ll feel a little less taxed. And this will make me a better mother. Somehow, though, I can’t seem to get to those phone calls! That seems rather crazy, because really they’d only take a few minutes. I really must get on that.
Tonight was affirmation that I should. We had a long day in the city. When we got home everyone was starving. Everyone was tired. Ben was exhausted. I whipped up a supper as fast as I could, fielded all the questions, nearly hyperventilated when they were asking me things that would involve planning and decision making for TOMORROW, nursed the baby, and then started throwing kids into the (long over due) bath. I marveled at my stoical calm – not only this evening, but for several weeks. In no time flat I had Ben lathered up, rinsed, dried, and in bed. There he proceeded to cry (loudly) because he wanted to go back downstairs. Noah cried on the bathroom floor in his towel. Zachary came up the stairs for the fifth time in mounting frustration at a difficulty he was having with Comic Life. Ben cried louder. My moment of self congratulatory back-patting had passed. I forgot about how good it feels to exercise control and calm. I opened Ben’s door and, yes, yelled, “BE. QUIET. BEN.” And before I finished pronouncing the “n” on “Ben” I felt the pangs of sorrow and regret. So even though Noah’s cry had escalated into a scream, and everyone else “needed” me, I took a few moments to rub Ben’s back and attempt to reason with an overtired, unreasonable creature.
Well, I better go get the last kid out of the tub and tucked into bed. We have a busy day and week ahead. And I have some phone calls to make.